Today I laugh, today I cry

I suddenly became a little bit hard-working today. -went to sunday school at 11am. attended English service. served in Chinese service. I just wanna keep on going closer, closer ,closer to GOD.

No matter how many service I attend, I know I am still a dust ,nothing.I am too small. My wholly heart, whatever I have, I give to him, still too little to be seen. I confessed Him as my saviour. I enjoyed the service. Once the pastor touched my head and said: "You have a pure heart and I know u. I love u. There is no need to worry". The time I cried without thinking. I was touched by his understanding and encourage. How he knew I was worrying...

Pulling an exhausted body and going home, to my "surprise", R was there inside the bedroom. "Disaster" I cannot find another word to discribe the scene. dirty, eating on the bed, watching femme movie with loud sound...and with unaccepted content which seems to be above 21 American drama...

I felt like to cry. .

Is it only I regard this house as a home? I clean every inch of the floor Ionclude the toilet. I care about every single thing that about this room and this house. However, my roommates, just anyhow distreat...wilfully.

suddenly a word "ding" came to my mind. I wanna "move" . I wanna live alone and have my own space that I value it as my "home". Now I feel lonly with seeing this house because I don`t have passion to take care of it any more.

It has already been 6 months. 6 months makes me see everybody clearly. I m not sure I will stick on the relatinship or nor. I asked GOD`s solution while he havent answer me yet maybe he is busy to solve others` problem first which is more difficult than mine ...its ok ..I can wait..as long as I know he loves me and will give me an answer soon.

Mom suddenly msn me. with "whats wrong with your handphone".so I just called her.

she said about what did she do the whole day with soft voice. After that she asked me why I didnt update my blog recently. Then I just replied her:"I thought you didnt come to my blog and I just move to another chinese blog"

"........" she mewled....I was heart-broken when I hear this. It had been a long time that I never felt my mother`s collapse... mom I want to hug you at this moment...i miss u so much but I don`t want to speak it out...

Mom is a gentle lady who likes quiet. We have 2 condo houses. one is at 6 floor and another one is at 12-13 floors. My sis and me and maid lives at6 and she lives in the top . Dad seldom goes home. and I m now studying in singapore. However, still, when the curtain of the night falls, she goes back to her "queen house" as usual. She wants to be a strong woman. Never show her weakness in front of others that she need help or asking someone just acc her. I knew the time I called her, she , her alone, was lying on the bed with silk quilt wrapping around her. ... reding lamp on the tea table with dim light...newspaper or magzines were on her leg.. she was crying there...a 42-years-old lady. she was so lonly....

How I want to be with you ..How I want to share everything happened with u. How I want to stay beside u during the rest of my life....I cannot support her to cry. otherwise we would cry a lot tonight...

Mom, everyday I pray for you more than myself...I do everything here just for entertain you. and prove your daughter is a good daugher for who rised up by a wise mother. I didnt ask GOD for more.I didnt even ask for good husband or boyfriend but Just for you can be happy every single day...

Now it is 12.00 am ...a new day starts.

Lets come on !~

Tears all past and left to yesterday!~

God~ I have u to be my backup. Everything U say,I will do my best!!!! GHAMBATHAI^^^